Hey look - a roommate-bashing diatribe!

This is a post I've been hesitant to write, though the urge to write it has hit me many, many times. Before, my reluctance was out of an unsaid loyalty, a respect to not air the dirty laundry of the people you know, especially the people you live with. The sheer fact that you share a household with someone makes you privy to private aspects of their lives, and if you have any morals (or sense of karma), you refrain from telling the rest of the world about their bathroom habits and annoying foibles.

But my fuse is burnt. My roommate has gotten on my last nerve, and I need to vent, despite the fact that people who know him may or may not read this. Despite the fact that he might read this.

Let me preface by saying that he has blogged very private things about my life on his livejournal. Things about my sex life, and although these walls are thin, I expected a little more respect for my personal life. His blogging wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't being read by people that know me. Furthermore, though I don't know for a fact, I'm 99% sure he still blogs private things about my life on his livejournal - only now, he's smarter than to let it slip that he has been busy publicly writing all the dirty details that I prefer kept private.

Thus, I feel entitled to vent in a very public forum.

So picture Dom Deluise, but not as funny. Now forget anything cool and delightful you know about Dom Deluise, and imagine he is awkward. And weird to be around. And so socially inept it KILLS YOU to be out in public with him. There you have my roommate, and it is no joke that just going to grab a beer with the guy will make you want to gag yourself on 30 shots of vodka; you almost have to just to tolerate his presence. It used to be that, when I'd venture out with him, I worried how others would react to his non-sequitirs, his ill-informed yet strong opinions, his tendency to comment on conversations that he wasn't even a part of in the first place. But now, I just ignore him, as do most of the other regulars at the local bars. My roommate is a weirdo; just chalk him up to that.

When I first lived with him, I tried not to get down about the situation. At least he pays his bills and rent, I thought. At least he knows better than to lay a hand on me, because I'd bash his fuckin skull in. Though in the beginning his crush on me was palpable, his romantic affection for me waned; after about 5 months of living together, it finally felt like we were really becoming friends, and the giant elephant that was his crush evaporated.

But everything I have ignored, all his quirks, his awkwardness, his cheapness, his ability to mooch off his mom while simultaneously despising her, his unwarranted touching (not as weird as it may sound, but still), his laziness, his arrogance, his talk of doing great things with his life
yet sitting on his ass playing video games and watching anime, his rudeness toward my boyfriend, and most of all, HIS SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT - it has all come to a head.

What has set it off requires another long and involved story, so I'm not going to get into it. I will sum it up as this:

The lease for our apartment requires us to pay our gas bill separately. In two winter months, the bill reaches $750 (the rent is $1500). After a huge hassle, we discovered our bill is so high because the boiler is severely outdated. We asked the landlord to compensate us, and he refused.

Ok, so folks, what would you do in this situation? You've found out you're not at fault for the high gas bill, and that in fact your landlord has been scamming you. Get pissed? Sure. Get a lawyer? Quite possibly. Bitch to anyone who will listen? I totally recommend it.

But, above all, the one thing you would do that makes perfect sense, is move. You. Would. MOVE!!!! And you know better the second time around, when looking for apartments, to ask for a two-year record of all the utility bills.

Yesterday we got our gas bill. Only $100, but still high when you consider the fact that we don't even have the heat turned on. My roommate and I commiserated over it, then I said, "There's no way we can live here next year."

"Why not?" my roommate asked.

"Because we can't afford the gas bill," I replied, rather feeling like I was speaking to a retard. "And I don't want your mom taking care of the $1700 balance like last time." (Yeah, that happened)

"Well we don't have the choice to move," he said.

"Umm, why not?"

"Well because," he mumbled, trying to think of a fake reason. "The landlord already replaced the boiler. Now all he has to do is fix the plumbing."

Digression: The landlord did not replace the boiler, and do you know how long it will take to replace the ancient plumbing? Months, and it would require us to vacate the apartment in that time. Not gonna happen.

"Also," my roomie continued,"I just don't feel like moving."

You fat, lazy, mommy-mooching piece of shit. Maybe you like your mom paying your credit card bills, car loan, and insurance payment, but I wasn't raised that way. Yes, it will be a pain in your dimpled ass to haul your shit and move, but when you consider the fact that your mommy will hire you movers and the most you'll have to lift is your ass from the couch, why in the fuck are you reticent?

My roommate is the reason I'm glad I grew up poor. I know the value of a dollar, and I know that the worst thing to take for granted is that life is easy. Life is not easy. Your normal, day-to-day, just-trying-to-survive life is not easy. Shit is going to fly at you, and you will moan and groan and go why do I have to deal with this? But you deal with it because you don't have money to throw at it, and you deal with it because you know it's the right thing to do.

It's not right that our landlord is scamming us, yet my roomie lacks the sense of pride that makes me want to move. I don't like being scammed, and I HATE the fact that his mother, though fairly rich, paid our fucking gas bill. But the roomie is fine with this set-up. Whatever you pussy piece of shit, go read some manga and jerk-off to Sailor Moon.

But hey, happy ending: I've decided to move in with my boyfriend! Let me make it clear, I'd been wanting to move in with him for a while, and not because I can't stand my roommate, but because I love him and want to make a life with him. So yay for me!

I'm sure my roomie will be fine - his mom will cover my share of the rent.