I don't know what to make of this whole Sarah Palin fiasco, particularly the baby conspiracy that is straight out of a VC Andrews novel. I don't just mean the fact that her 17 y/o daughter is pregnant - I'm talking about the theory that Palin's newborn, Trig, may in fact be the progeny of her eldest daughter, Bristol, and the pregnancy debacle occurring now is all meant to cover-up the REAL pregnancy that happened a few months ago. Yes, click the link, Cajun Boy explains it so much better and in-depth than I.
I'm done thinking about all this Palin baby-drama (though this has really upped the ante as far as politico-family scandals go, no?). Now we will move onto to an even more DEEELISH scandal that has me all aflutter.
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Oh what sexual sparks this pic alone awakens...The first time I can remember laying eyes on David Duchovny - I was 11-years-old and spending a Friday evening at my grandmother's house. The television flickered pale blue against the walls, a background accompaniment to the board game my sister and I were playing. A commercial came on; I looked up from the game, maybe because of the eerie music playing from the set. There, on the television screen, were a woman and man looking earnest, running to something, or away from it. They were cloaked in trench coats; they were searching. The commercial bade me to stay tuned for the premiere of a new FOX series, The X-Files.
The man in particular captivated me. I was only 11, but something was stirring - my imagination? My loins? Probably both. I tuned into the premiere and learned that this man played the male lead in The X-Files, Fox Mulder. The actor playing Mulder was David Duchovny, and I was in love.
From that day out, I was an avid X-File fan, and a precocious Duchovny lover. While most of the girls my age were googly-eyed for boys like JTT and Andrew Keegan, I was tuning in every Friday night (then later, Sundays), and watching as Fox Mulder (a man) cavorted with Jersey Devils, clandestine informants, Satan-worshipers, and of course, little gray men. Mulder was in search of the truth, a truth that was constantly being hidden by the government. And goddamn did he look for it in the sexiest way possible!
During my time as an X-Phile, I procured a rather large and diverse collection of memorabilia. Shirts, books, magazines, buttons, pogs - if it had something to do with The X-Files and David Duchovny, I owned it. I would have been a nerd* if The X-Files wasn't beloved by everyone else in my class, too - but no one loved it and Duchovny as much as me.
At night as I drifted off to sleep, Mulder and I would search for the truth together. We would meet by surprise - we had known each other during our FBI training and had shared a brief, passionate tryst. Since Scully was sick from the flu, Mulder would need a savvy professional to assist him on his next investigation, and I would grudgingly pinch hit (grudgingly because that's what makes for the best sexual tension. Did I mention I was also a 5'10" redhead? My fantasies were vivid AND drunk). Though we would be on assignment, our lust would overcome us, and inevitably...well, inevitably I'd start making out with my pillow. But anyways, this foray into my childhood fantasies is to say ZOMG I fucking loved David Duchovny and he is the only celebrity I ever truly pined for.
But here we are in 2008. These days, I pine for my bf (really!) And though Duchovny has been married for the past decade, turns out he's pining for lots of internet pornography. Turns out he's a sex addict!
I'm kind of turned on by him again after this revelation. Yeah, I know that's kind of skanky to say, but compound this real-life sex addiction with the charisma of his Californication character, Hank Moody - it's making me nostalgic for the days when I was a horny adolescent.
I leave you with a video that I saw only a few days ago - it sums up how I (and I guess everyone else) felt about David Duchovny in the 90's.
* Ok, I was probably a raging nerd.
6 comments:
You hadn't heard of the fake pregnancy thing? If she has a miscarriage in a few months, THEN there will be some suspicions.
However, I don't buy it, because it would be way too hard to recruit the 18 year old baby daddy, trot him out in public like that, and fool everybody. Same with the daughter. I just don't think it's possible to get two high school kids on that same page if the whole thing were made up. And then, what point would saying she was pregnant now do to cover up the fact that she was pregnant earlier?
Oh, and if Duchovny doesn't show, call me up.
Vern - I actually think two high school kids are the perfect pawns in a cover-up like this. Their notions of truth, though evolved from their childhood days, still lay in the hands of the adults around them. It is not until you reach your 20's that you begin to accept that you do not need to heed your parent's ideologies and hodge-podge ethical code. So, you offer enough money to the boy and his family. If the family needs it bad enough, they'll convince their son to be a martyr.
As for the daughter - I'm sure all that guilt from the first pregnancy is convincing her to go along with this ruse. I mean, does she really want to be the one to end her mother's political aspirations? High school kids may be selfish mutants at times, but they still retain a sense of obligation to their families. I fee bad that she has to pay an ultimate price to appease a nation. Oh yeah - and by saying she is five months pregnant now nails the coffin on the belief that she gave birth in April.
PS Duchovny has yet to contact me...maybe if I put myself in some internet porn I'd get some action from him.
But why cover up a pregnancy with a pregnancy? It all sounds so convincing but...I just don't believe it. Yet. If it turns out to be true, I'll be the first to admit I was dead wrong.
Vern - maybe because they thought it was the only way completely dispel the pregnancy rumors. From what I've read, people aren't JUST NOW hatching this theory. People were speculating on it months ago, but it didn't matter AS MUCH because Palin wasn't a potential VP of the United States.
You have a point - it's an extremely elaborate cover-up, one that requires a lot of energy and hush money, and one that could have been avoided by simply not choosing Palin as the vp nominee. It can go either way - if Bristol's pregnancy is carried out, I will concede that she probably was pregnant because, jeez, bringing some random newborn baby into a scandal seems superfluous. But if she miscarries in the next few months, that will thoroughly convince me of this babygate conspiracy.
let me get my two cents in. first of all, I KNEW IT! I read about the DD scandal a couple of days ago and my thoughts immediately went to you and how totally hot this would make you. i actually meant to send you the link and ask you how psyched you were, but i was so preoccupied thinking about how palin had the balls to pass her daughter's baby off as hers that i didnt have enough time to message you. and omg, isnt palin SUCH a good person because she had a child with a disability instead of an abortion?
Does it make me a freak if ur title gave me throbbing wood, yet I have a man-crush on Vern?
I'm the father of ALL Palin babies
I'm super serial
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