Does anyone remember the ledger on the inside of their school books? If you were lucky enough to get a brand-spanking-new text that first day of school, complete with crisp, fragrant pages and a shiny cover, you would sign your name to it and declare its condition as "Brand New". You would cherish it with one final caress of your hand across its veneer, and then you'd toss it in your desk or locker for it to get buried by dirty gym clothes, melted chocolate bars, and your handgun.
But let's say that, due to "lack of funding" (i.e. the vice principal used the school's bank account to pay for his hooker and gambling addiction), the school wouldn't be getting new textbooks that year. Or for the next five years. And when you would be issued yours, a third of the pages were ripped or torn out, the people on the front cover had their teeth blacked out by pen and badly drawn penises aimed at their mouths, and the ledger was filled up, so you had to sign your name and the book's condition two or three lines below it. Bitter about the fact that you were receiving a severely out-dated and battered text, you'd label the book's condition as "Fucking Old."
The above scenario didn't happen to me exactly, but I do remember in 7th grade being given a school book that was published in 1979. I entered the seventh grade in 1996. Though most of the stories were still relevant ("The Tell-Tale Heart" was one we read that year), it was demoralizing to be given something meant to help you learn that was so broke down, so trashed, so disgusting, and nearly 20 YEARS OLD. Who was looking out for the children? Didn't anyone care to give us the best supplies to help us learn? On the upside, our teacher didn't really care if we treated our texts like coloring books. She would actually kind of encourage us to vandalize them - "Sure, go ahead, they're horrible anyways."
I hope you all enjoyed this little foray into the past - quite nostalgic, no? Though maybe no one reading this had to suffer through misappropraited tax dollars that directly affected your education. Does that make me more real, more hardcore? No I don't think so, but it probably left me better prepared for a career in triple-X hardcore.
Sidenote: I originally ended this post with a joke (albeit poorly written) about having a kidnapped junior high student locked in my spare room, the explanation as to why I have a middle school textbook in my possession. I deleted it because I thought it might be crass and ill-received. What do the readers think? Is kidnapping a 12 y/o appropriate joke fodder? That comment section ain't there for nothin, folks.
4 comments:
I like 12 year old girls because I can show them something they've never seen before.
And, I answered your question on my website.
I dunno where Vern gets his 12 year olds, but here in the southern Jesusland, our 12 year olds are on their 2nd kid and on the way to rehab for meth addiction. I say game on!
are you gonna post something new or what?
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