Listicle Time: The Top Six Kids Shows that I had No Right to be Watching

So there are plenty of kids shows out there meant for the enjoyment of children and adults alike. SpongeBob SquarePants is the main one that comes to mind, but you can look at any Pixar film and see that what I say is true - shows for kids have evolved since Hanna-Barbera.

But you know what? When I was younger, there were some kids shows that were really, actually, just meant for kids. And I continued to watch them well after the appropriate age, in part for kitsch value, and in part because I couldn't. stop. watching. There I was, a fifteen year old who had by most means let go of everything that connected her to childhood; the barbie dolls, footie pajamas, and stuffed animals all sat in a damp trunk in the basement. Yet I would watch these kids shows, all the while my thumb was stealthily on the "LAST" button should my sister walk in the room and I need to do a quick switch to TRL or some other "teenage" show (this skill would later prove useful while watching Real Sex with my mom in the next room). Below are some of the kids shows I watched way past my expiration date.

Doug

Great theme song. Inventive character names (Mosquito, anyone?). Fabulous wardrobe. And an anthropomorphic dog - how could you not love Doug? Nematoads! The Beets! Childhood, where are you?

Doug was one of those cartoons that I never admitted to watching, nor even made time to watch, but whatever station it was playing on (Nickelodeon, usually), that's the station I was tuned in to. My sweaty, smelly, 15- y/o self would traipse home from volleyball practice, grab a ho-ho and a glass of pop, and plop down on the couch to watch Doug Funny endure the trials and tribulations of adolescence. Since I was technically older than Doug (therefore wiser), I would sympathetically nod my head when he worried over how he looked in his school picture - I knew exactly how he felt, because, at one time, I too worried about how I looked in my school picture! Oh but wait, I still was worrying how I would look, and not just in my school picture, but in EVERY picture. I still worry to this day, but at least now I have the freedom to drink away my body-dismorphia . Yay alcoholism!

When it moved to the Saturday morning cartoon timeslot, Doug's shorts became longer and the show got lame. But the Doug memories of my youth cannot be touched - er, so long as I don't get brain damaged somehow (prime reason to stop doing drugs!).

Rugrats

What evil genius thought that kids above the age of 8 (let alone 14) would love this gem of a show? I'm betting the pitch wasn't that easy.

"I propose we make a show about babies!"

"But we're aiming for the 8-12 demographic."

"No shit - don't you know how cool babies are? They do a ton of crazy stuff when the grown-ups aren't looking. They are so cool that 12-year-olds - wait, nix that - 15-year-olds will want to be them."

Ok, maybe I never wanted to be Tommy, Chuckie, Angelica or any of the rest of the gang, but I did wear a Burger King Edition Rugrats watch when I was in the 9th grade (though I might have been trying to be - gulp - ironic).

Looking back, I'm slightly afraid that those of us who grew up with Rugrats have picked up parenting cues from the show, to which I say, lord have mercy on us all. Ever notice how often the parents in Rugrats ignored their kids? They would corral them in the backyard and leave them unattended for hours. That is when all the adventures happened, when the kids were alone, and there was an adventure every episode - that tells me that, were the Rugrats parents real people, they'd have been taken to court by CPS ages ago.


Wishbone

A confession: I have not read every classic that ever existed. Gah, I know! I'm a dolt. But sometimes these classics will come up in conversation, books like Rip Van Winkle and Don Quixote, and the reason why I know what these stories are about is because of Wishbone! Well, he's not the only reason, but Wishbone was my first introduction to classics which are thoroughly studied and often referenced.

Maybe it was because Wishbone was another anthropomorphic dog, but I'd tune in day after day, despite the fact that I was a teenager with sex readily available to her (I didn't lose it til I was 18, but I'm assuming that at least one of my classmates would have been willing to do the deed with me). While my classmates were making babies, I was sitting innocently in my living room humming the Wishbone theme song.

One time my sister - my younger sister, mind you - caught me watching Wishbone. This was a watershed moment for me - I had the choice to quickly change the channel and pretend I was just flipping, thus denying who I was, or I could toss the remote aside and proudly let the little dog show off his acting chops to my sister. I did the latter - I chose to be myself. My dumb, easily amused self. My sis made fun of me for watching a kids show, but it wasn't that big of a deal - I was older with the adroit ability to beat the shit out of her.

Arthur

Wow, this list is getting long. So yeah, I was a big fan of Arthur when I was 15, even moreso than when I was 8. I think because of the utopic society it represents. The more I think about that, the more it makes sense - I was kind of depressed as a teen, and instead of taking Prozac or cutting myself, I watched Arthur. Also, DW was my hero.

Can we please for a second ruminate on this picture? That's Arthur posing with a celebrity, an A-list celebrity. Can you guess who? Here's a hint: I used to have a slight crush on this actor, except now that I've seen him as a cartoon chipmunk, I'm horrified. Did that help?

Blues Clues

Ok, I'm not saying this is true, but I may or may not have had a crush on Steve. Whether I did or not is moot, though - I liked watching Blues Clues because of the fact that a human being was walking in a paper-machet house and interacting with a cardboard dog. The trickery fascinated me - like, how did they do that? I know, I know, green screen and whatnot, but the fact that a human person was acting on a set that he couldn't even see was mind-boggling (except for that huge orange chair - I'm pretty sure that was a tangible part of the set). Not only did he have to have a conversation with salt and pepper shakers, but he couldn't SEE the salt and pepper shakers. Truly astounding.

Teletubbies

This show I watched for pure kitsch value. Seriously. It would all go down thusly: In high school, my friend Carrie's dad would get us lunch, so me and about three or four of my other girlfriends would go to her house, flop our asses on her sofa, and mow down on some Taco Bell while these four aliens blazed across the television screen.

I hated this show, but my friend Leanna thought they were cute, so we'd put it on the screen and make fun of it while Leanna drooled over the little one (Po). Teletubbies earned some points in my book when Christian fundamentalists started getting all angry that the purple one was promoting homosexuality to kids. The Teletubbies were way too androgynous for me to discern a gender, let alone a sexual preference, but it was funny to see the Funds holding up signs of protest and marching in the street over something so stupid. Way to be a rebel, Tinky-Winky. Screw DW - Tinky is my hero now.