When in doubt, buy generic

I'm only 24, but I often think about what I want to impart on my future children. Hopefully I won't be having any kids for another ten years or so, but from the way my heart softens every time I see a baby, my body is probably subconsciously willing my ovaries to fertilize at this very moment.

I will take my kid(s) into the booth when I go to vote; I will teach them the importance of empathy and compassion. And even though I'm a feminist, I'm not going to force all of my feminazi boner-killing opinions on them - I will simply lay out the facts (oh who am I kidding? My bias will ultimately lead to my daughter rebelling and becoming an anti-choice, bible-thumping Republican cheerleader).

Also? I'm going to teach them to buy generic.

At the grocery store the other day, I went on the search for my favorite "part of a balanced breakfast"cereal, Reese's Puffs. When I couldn't locate it, I considered other peanut butter flavored cereals, but they were like $5.50 a box - wtf!?!? Good god, with the price of food increasing, I'm going to have to start sucking dick just for a can of soup and a Kraft single.

After staring at the cereal shelf for ten (or twenty) minutes, my eyes drifted down and landed on a box of Foodtown Cocoa Peanut Butter Spheres. For only $2.19, I was sold.

The name might be a little clunky (spheres? I guess 'balls' has entered the realm of "too much innuendo to be family-friendly"), and there certainly is no prize waiting for me at the bottom, but the generic cereal is just as good, if not better, than the name-brand stuff.

And this happens all the time - salad dressing, pasta, ketchup - the generic form is just as good as the name brand. Why are we all so retarded as to pay $3.00 more for a name and a prize? If you base you grocery purchases on the fact that your kid (or you) wants that chinsy piece of plastic that is promised to be mingled in with your cereal, put a quarter in the toy dispenser on your way out.

Now, there are some generic foods that actually DON'T taste as good as the name-brand...but the only one I can think of at the moment, I'm not even sure if it's a generic food. Or drink.

Yes folks, I'm thinking of RC Cola. That stuff is nasty, in no way is it as good as Coke or Pepsi, it's not even as tasty as crab juice (guess where I lifted that from!), but is it a generic soda, or just a plan old shitty soda? Hell, it might not even exist anymore. Does someone want to check? You know you've reached the pinnacle of laziness if you don't even feel like doing a 30-second Google search.

SO what other generic foods are just as good as the name-brand? And what generic foods suck big fat donkey dick? Comments people, comments! (I'm talking to you, Mom)

Acne Sufferers, I have found the Answer

Acne is a common annoyance when you are a teen. Well, when you're a teen, it's a huge fucking crisis, but everyone else is pizza-faced too.

The myth that once you become an adult your face will magically clear-up is what got me through high school, but in fact my acne got WORSE when I got to college. It was probably a mix of stress, bad food, increased smoking, and spending too many nights passed out with hooker make-up caked on my face that exacerbated my pimple outbreaks. And even though I've corrected most of my acne-causing behavior (still smoking - I gotta put an end to that one day), the adult acne is still a fat, volcanic blemish on my social life.

Or WAS.

Over Christmas, my aunt, who also has skin problems (at 45!), gave me a tube of facewash prescribed by her dermatologist.

Now I have tried everything to cure my acne - pills, medicated OTC facewashes, birth control (though I never took a condom to my face...er, I mean - oh whatever, make the joke, pervs), but the wash my aunt gave me is the only thing to make a significant, long-lasting difference.

The wash is called Sodium Sulfacetamide 10% and Sulfur 5% Wash, made by Glades.

My acne is not fully gone, but it is definitely less severe. Whereas before, there was a new pimple (or 5) on my face every morning, now I only get a pimple right before I start my period, and I don't get acne cysts anymore.

It's only available with a prescription, and you should definitely ask your doctor if it is safe for your skin before using it, but bring it up next time you see the dermatologist. Here's to hoping it works for you!