But this time we Bob Fosse'd all over Manhattan. She took photos, but I was lazy/forgetful, and I have none to share - maybe later, when my mom sends me the thousands of bridge, bank and bum pictures she took, I will share our winsome adventure with the eager public.
We did the usual tourist stuff which included the enjoyment of the Broadway show Avenue Q. I'd never seen it be
fore, but I was familiar with the soundtrack, and it was nice to finally put the story to the songs. One song in particular, I Wish I Could Go Back to College, struck me.The first time I had ever heard this song, I was in college, and I can remember thinking, "awww, I'm gonna really miss this place." The lyrics lament all those happy, carefree times you enjoyed during your undergrad years - sitting in the quad and dreaming about all the great things you'll do with your life, having an academic advisor to point you in the right direction, never wondering where your next meal is coming from because you have a meal plan - the things you take for granted until you're out of college and realize how good you had it.
When I saw the show this past weekend, after they sang College, reflexively I thought, "ohh college, how I miss thee." But then I pondered that sentiment, truly ruminated on my college days, and I came to the realization that in fact, you couldn't pay me to go back to college, that in fact I don't really miss it at all.
I suppose the schism is caused by the class dynamic in college. If you are a rich kid, you have no reason to ever want to graduate. Everything monetary is taken care of - you don't need to work a real job (like bartending, like I did) to pay your tuition, because mom and dad had the means and the know-how to set you up a college fund when you were young. If you're a rich kid, you undoubtedly have a nice car for which mom and dad pay the insurance and car payment, and you have in your possession a credit card that you use to fill up its tank, which mom and dad also make the payments for; hence, you never worry about how you're gonna run errands, make it to work on time, or deal with the degradation of begging your pals to borrow their vehicles. Need a $200 book for a math course? No probs, mom and dad will pick up the tab. And just when those beads of sweat start to form on your head because you don't know where you're gonna get the money for the coming weekend's drinking extravanganza, a tidy sum of moola appears in your bank account, courtesy of mom and dad.
If you're a poor kid, like myself, college life is much different. Much of your free time is devoted to working, and not just the rinky-dink work-study gigs that require you to sit in an office and do your homework. I'm talking bartending and waitressing, standing behind a bar counter slinging beers for locals with an allergy to tipping (some kids also strip, and I've known others who work fast-food). Your cell phone often gets shut off because you can't come up with the $40 to pay it on time. The beer you drink is the finest you can afford at $10 a case. And you are always, always aware just how much YOU are paying for college. You never really bother to call home for extra bucks because, really, home doesn't have much to give.
My college years were filled with variations on that last paragraph. As well, I was always busy - though I only partook in two extra-curriculars (acting in plays and heading an activist group), they monopolized the free time I didn't spend working, studying or excercising. Yeah, I partied, but in comparison to some of my college friends, I was a saint, mainly because I didn't always have the time and/or cash-flow to participate in said partying.
I was always exhausted. My acne got out of control because of all the stress caused by my academic deadlines, extra-curricular responsibilities, and despondent financial situation. A good-night's sleep was a rare treat. Looking back, it's amazing how I hardly let it get to me - I just took it all one day at a time and hoped for the best.
And though I miss my college friends a lot, that is the only part I miss. The life I'm living right now - answering to myself, living life by my deadlines and my standards - is better than any I have ever known. Sure, I'm not rich. Of course it sucks to pay bills, and sometimes you wonder why you even bother at all. But paying bills and being poor is nothing new, and in fact, these days my creative endeavors pay out bigger, like paving the path to a fruitful career, instead of earning an A in some retarded college course.
So, fuck you college - I'm glad I went (well, I had to), but there is no way in hell that I would ever go back to my undergrad days. Fuck the stress, fuck the homework, fuck the fucking which, looking back, I wonder what about it I found so appealing. If you are one of those people who are often nostalgic for your college days, well lucky you, you musta had wealthy parents who made the road cushy, but goddamn that sucks that you plateaued at 20, and the only thing you have going for you now is the remembrance of your glory days.
I shudder to think how pathetic I would be if all I had going on in my life were annual visits to my alma mater, where'd I'd get together with old chums and reminisce about the times we each got drunk and fucked that loser who sat behind us in FS 102.
2 comments:
Hmm you are a very bitter person. I neither had my way paid for by parents nor had to struggle with money. I had a full tuition scholarship that paid for my tuition plus $5k a semester for rent, textbooks, food, and whatever else I wanted. You know how I got it? Working my @$$ off since I was 4 and actually giving a damn not just about school (which was highly worthless... because I am not so rich I went to private school), but about EDUCATION. I always planned ahead, and did my work and then some. And although I give my parents some credit for giving me the right environment, I give myself the majority. I had three sibling who didn't receive scholarships. I went to a public uni in my home state because scholarships were higher and tuition was higher. And you know what, I did not stop my planning there. While in school, I worked as well. In what you call 'cushy' academic jobs. Because I had prepared myself so well for college, and because I was proactive about asking for good positions, I was able to get research jobs and teaching jobs that were not only paying 2-3x as much per hour as waitressing/bartending, but also giving me a better head-start on my future. Those 'lazy' jobs helped me get full fellowships for four Ivy League grad schools (despite the fact that I went to a big state school not well known for its academics). Succeeding in life is about planning ahead. Stop blaming your parents for not planning ahead, blame yourself. I was planning how to get scholarships for undergrad when I was 7, and planning on how to get into good graduate schools since I was 11.
If you want to be blaming your parents for anything, blame them for giving you genes that made you a negative and short-sighted person. And don't blame the parents of rich kids --- perhaps they were working hard throughout their lives as I did.
* sorry typo... tuition in my public university was lower not higher :)
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